Worth Staying For
by cosette141
Summary: It's Christmas Eve night and something is bothering Shawn. Juliet is determined to find out just what. Shules. A little fluff and a little emotional h/c all wrapped and tied with a little bow.


_Hey guys! No, this isn't an update for Shawn Walks into a Bank.. but it *is* a little christmas oneshot that I wrote cause the idea just jumped into my head. But it won't be long until I update Shawn Walks.. :)_

 _Thanks in advance for reading and I hope you all enjoy the new year and had a wonderful christmas :)_

 _~cosette141_

* * *

Juliet closed the door with a soft click, following the leave of her last guest. It had been an intimate little get-together for the holidays. She'd hosted; it was the first Christmas since she and Shawn had gotten back together since their break-up. She'd invited her parents, who'd both come-her father, with a diamond necklace for her that she only hoped had been acquired legally-and Shawn had invited Gus and his father. All in all, it had been a lovely night. Everyone had gotten along. Gifts were given, food was eaten, cheer was spread.

So, Juliet wondered as she turned to face her boyfriend, who was still in the kitchen, cleaning up, why had Shawn suddenly become so _quiet_? It was Christmas Eve for crying out loud. Shawn had been his energetic self the entire evening while their guests had still been there. And every past Christmas, she'd always known Shawn to have loved the holiday.

What changed?

Juliet walked silently back into the kitchen, eyes sweeping over the sparkling counters and table. Shawn was putting the last of the dishes into the dishwasher. Needless to say, _this_ was probably the best gift she'd gotten so far.

"Thank you," she found herself saying.

Shawn looked up. "Oh, yeah. No problem." He gave her a genuine smile as he closed the dishwasher. "I mean, you did kind of do everything else."

Juliet laughed. "Still. It's sweet."

Shawn took the towel from the table and started wiping down the counters. He fell silent again.

Juliet fidgeted with her fingers, then took a breath. "Shawn… is everything okay?"

Shawn didn't stop what he was doing when he answered. "Yeah, why?"

"You're… quiet," she said carefully.

Shawn just flicked her another smile. A smile that Juliet had seen many times. Many times when Shawn was trying to avoid answering a question. "Just tired, babe." He returned his gaze to the counters. "I thought you liked it when I took a break from talking. You asked me to all night."

Juliet quirked an eyebrow. "That's because we were in _church_."

"I was having a conversation with the lord."

Juliet rolled her eyes, but quickly reeled herself back. "Shawn-don't do that!"

"Don't do what?" he asked innocently.

"Change the subject!"

"I would do nothing of the sort." He tossed the towel back on the counter and grabbed the tea kettle. "Tea? Coffee?"

"Shawn!" said Juliet exasperatedly, clinging to her determination before the man actually succeeded in driving her off track. "Why won't you tell me what's bothering you?"  
"Because," Shawn said with a sigh. He put the kettle down in defeat. "There's nothing you have to worry about. I'm fine."

"Shawn," said Juliet firmly. "I have listened to you lie for years-"

"I'm not lying!"

"No, but you're not telling me everything. Saying 'not to worry' and that you're 'fine' are still skirting around the fact that something _is_ bothering you, whether or not I need to worry about it or that you're fine despite it!"

Shawn leveled his gaze with her, seeming to know she wasn't going to back down. He sighed and muttered something under his breath that sounded remarkably like, " _Never date a detective_ ," and his expression softened. "I just… don't want to talk about it, okay?"

Juliet's eyebrows kneaded. "But-"

Shawn quickly held up a hand. "I'm not keeping secrets from you. I promise." His eyes were serious and genuine. Juliet held his gaze for a moment, the urge to break down all of his walls still overflowing her veins, but she held back. She nodded in understanding. Shawn gave her an almost relieved smile and left the room.

Juliet's eyes followed him as he sat down on the couch in her- _their_ -living room. He picked up the remote and flipped on an old Christmas movie. He grabbed a throw pillow and hugged it to his chest.

Deciding to drop the issue for the moment, Juliet sat down next to him. Shawn wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him. He was warm. She closed her eyes and melted into the shape of his body. They both stayed like that, drinking in each other's warmth and watched the holiday movie.

Juliet was just closing her eyes when Shawn spoke, his voice reverberating in his frame so close to her.

"Christmas isn't always… easy for me."

Juliet didn't move. Her heart picked up the slightest bit at the notion that Shawn was opening up, but she tried to slow it; he was so close to her that he could probably feel it. She just waited patiently for him to continue.

"I don't… usually think about her."

Juliet's eyebrows shot up. A tiny fire of jealousy kicked into her veins and her mind reeled with possible ex-girlfriends or-she nearly shuttered-current girlfriends Shawn could be talking about.

"But…" he continued quietly, "seeing you with your mom… I guess it just reminded me."

Realization washed over her. _He's talking about his_ mom.

Juliet gently cleared her throat, trying to keep her tone light. "You don't talk about your mom much." And he didn't. All she knew was that his parents had divorced a long time ago. She never even thought about his mother until Madeleine gave the psych evaluations years ago. But… Shawn seemed to be on good terms with her. Great, even. She just assumed they didn't see each other much due to the long distance.

"I…" Shawn cleared his own throat, words seeming to constrict him. Juliet pressed herself more into him. She was always surprised to see him like this. So… _real_. Devoid of the humor, the energy, the silliness. It always stunned her the person who lay beneath it all.

Just when Juliet thought he'd hidden again behind those walls, he said, "She used to cook. For Christmas. She was actually a really great cook… when she was around to do it." He shrugged against her. "After she left… it was just me and my dad. He was the one who started our guess-the-gift tradition. He said it was to sharpen my skills but I think it was just to distract me from everything."

Juliet bit her lip, a question burning her mouth. She refused to let it out. Shawn had opened up so much. A blunt question might shatter everything.

"Jules."

She blinked. "Yeah?"

"You want to ask me something," he said quietly. Suddenly she felt herself thinking, _never date a detective_. He was so perceptive. She knew why she fell for his psychic charade for so long; he always seemed to pull her very thoughts from her mind. Shawn nudged her gently and said, "I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

She swallowed. "You will?"

Shawn laughed quietly and said, "I owe you a couple hundred truths. Consider it a Christmas gift."

"Okay…" She took a breath. "Why did your parents get divorced?"

The million dollar question. She expected him to stiffen, shut down, leave… but he didn't. It seemed as if he'd been expecting it.

"Shawn," began Juliet. "Nevermind. I don't want to make you tell me anything you don't want to-"

"Jules, I've spent more than half our relationship hiding things from you." His words stung. "I don't want to get back into that." He took a breath. "I haven't even told this to Gus."

Juliet felt her heart skip. She hardly thought that Shawn trusted her more than _Gus_. Suddenly, she felt even warmer than before, and it had nothing to do with body heat.

"I was sixteen," said Shawn. "I knew she and my dad didn't get along. But I figured all parents argued. But it was apparently more than that." He took another even breath, both of them still watching but not seeing the snowfall in the movie before them. "She just left. My dad told me that he drove her out. Left her, but kept the house. My mom left that day and never came back. I didn't talk to her again for years. She changed her phone number. I had no idea where she went. After that… I hated my dad." A long silence stretched. Shawn shifted the smallest bit. "It was only when she came here for the psych evals that she told me the truth. She was the one who left us."

Ice crept into Juliet's heart. "Wait… your dad-"

"Lied." finished Shawn simply. "Guess that runs in the family."

Juliet's heart panged. She pulled away, turning toward him. He'd been watching the TV screen but now looked at her. She'd only seen that kind of pain in his eyes once before. And it was when she'd discovered his secret. She shook her head. "She… how could she do that?"

Shawn turned his gaze back to the screen. He shrugged. "Said she had other dreams. Just didn't want a family anymore." A grin twitched at his face but it held no warmth. "She loved us long enough to decide we weren't worth it."

Juliet's heart snapped. "Oh, Shawn…"

He shook his head, blinking rapidly. "It… uh, it doesn't matter now." He closed his eyes. "She doesn't care."

Juliet stared at him, at a loss for words. Everything he was made sense in an instant. The humor in a situation too dark to handle. The terror of commitment-to anything or anyone. The idea that he could have someone in his life, whom he trusted and loved with all his heart, simply walk out of his life because they decided he wasn't worth staying for.

And how she-Juliet O'hara-was the first person that Shawn actually allowed himself to fall in love with.

" _Falling in love with you was never part of the plan_."

She had never truly realized just how dangerous love really was.

"Okay," she said finally. "Now, I'm going to give _you_ something." She reached down and grabbed his hand. He shifted his gaze back to her. "A promise." She took a breath. "I promise you, Shawn Spencer, that I will never leave you." Shawn's eyes shifted to the floor but Juliet grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. "Never. I might get mad, I might storm off…" She swallowed the smallest bit of discomfort she still felt at the memory of their break-up. "But I will never leave you. I will always come back." She bored her eyes into his, their gaze intense and unbreakable. "Because I love you," she said softly. "Because you are worth it. You are worth everything to me."

Shawn only stared back, his eyes glistening so that the light danced in them like snow. Wordlessly, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, tight and warm. Hot tears stung her own eyes she hugged him just as tightly back. Because this was a promise she not only swore to stand by, but knew her heart could never break.

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart," whispered Shawn into her hair.

She smiled into his touch and shut her eyes. "Merry Christmas."

-.-


End file.
